Am I still a blogger? The Mysterious Ability to Focus and Maintain Motivation

BLOGGERBLOG

If one does not blog,

Is one still a blogger?

It’s been, yikes, four months since there has been any activity on this blog. I haven’t been reading. I got Vassa in the Night by Sarah Porter for the October Owl Crate box and I was trying to read it but just couldn’t focus enough. I think it’s still sitting on a shelf, book mark half way through. I’ve gotten a couple of books since then that I haven’t even opened. Some of them look really interesting but it doesn’t seem to help.

This happens sometimes. You might call it depression or ADHD or whatever you like. But I go through periods where my brain just does not want to function correctly. Other times I read a book in a couple of days and it’s no problem. Then there are the times where it’s a struggle to even watch TV because I can’t focus or have any desire to pay attention or care at all that I’m missing something that I might at other times really enjoy. I can almost never finish TV show seasons because of this. I just can’t stick with it. Movies are a little better. Shorter timeframe, really. But a Netflix movie could languish in my possession for a couple months or more before I can dredge up the desire to watch it. Even then I might pause it and wander off a couple of times to do the dishes or tidy up or annoy the cat.

Then there are the things I obsess over. Like fandom. I read fanfiction. Adore it, really. Once I have an interest in a fandom, that’s it. It rules to the exclusion of all else. A little over a year ago I loved the Avengers Steve/Tony ship. My love for the Avengers was total, all encompassing. I devoured fanfic and fanart for Avengers like my life depended on it. I could read fanfic all day and all night long. It was hard to stop but I had no trouble focusing.

Then I saw the new Man from Uncle movie, which lead to discovering the Man from Uncle TV show from the 60’s and the lovely, beautiful ship of Illya/Napoleon. I was hooked. Now I devour fanfic and fanart for the Man from Uncle fandom. Which really sucks because it’s a substantially smaller fandom than Avengers was. I’ve already gone through the Archive of Our Own fanfics and now I’m desperately looking for more to read.

But now I have no interest for Avengers. Just Man from Uncle. My brain is fucked up.

I can read and read and read fanfic but I can’t do the same for original books. I don’t understand why, either.

I also try to write in my chosen fandom but that’s another thing I can’t focus on. I obsess over Man from Uncle but it’s a struggle to focus and complete fanfic ideas. I have a lot of started ideas but very rarely complete anything to post. You would think my ability to obsess over a fandom would carry over to writing fanfic for it but my motivation kind of trickles away.

I have two Avenger fanfics that I started posting and now I fear I’ll never finish them because my interest has moved on. I’ve sworn to never post anything that wasn’t already done because of this. Those two fanfics will probably languish forever.

Does anybody else experience this? Can you just obsess over something, absolutely adore it, but not be able to focus on other things? Or lose interest and motivation on projects? It’s not like I don’t have time to read books or write. I have loads of time. Just no follow through on projects. Is it ADHD? Depression? Hormonal? Anybody have any advice?

Thank you for reading!

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About Patricia @ Lady with Books

I'm a 33 year old female. Brown hair. Blue eyes. I spend a great deal of my time surfing the internet and blogging. I enjoy cooking. I make a mean sautéed vegetable dish. I write. I read.

Posted on March 10, 2017, in about the blogger and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 4 Comments.

  1. Hello, Patricia! Well, congratulations, you did finish a blog post, and you described what you are going through very well. A couple of years ago or so, I was a guest blogger and appreciated that you let me post for your followers. Thank you!
    I just have one suggestion, and this comes from someone who has dealt with lack of healthy focus at times. In my case, depression was the culprit. There are very good medicines now for all the suspects in your list: depression, hormones or ADHD. They are much better than years ago with minimal, if any, side effects. They help you put life in balance so that you have a chance to develop healthy life habits that might eventually render the taking of this medicine unnecessary. If you haven’t sought the evaluation by a good physician, I would start there. Many times, family medicine doctors have enough experience with this to treat it, or to make a referral to someone good. Internal medicine or endocrinologist specialists sometimes get involved if the problems are hormonal or related to thyroid. And, of course, psychiatrists are physicians who can also prescribe anti-depressant or anti-anxiety medicines. (Believe it or not, what you describe could be related to anxiety.) Psychologists often do great ongoing therapy, but usually they need to work with physicians to have medicines prescribed. I know about this because of a career in health care. I was a hospital CEO.
    I wish you the best and encourage you take some positive steps for yourself so that people can enjoy the writing that you resume!

    • I have been seeing an endocrinologist the last couple of years to be treated for thyroid and PCOS, which is hormonal in nature. But I’ve suspected it wasn’t enough. It doesn’t help all that much with the lack of focus and motivation. Like, I make plans for things I know I would really enjoy, like touring historic places, but when the time comes I find I just really, really don’t want to deal with it and would rather just stay home. I’ve suspected a blend of depression and anxiety for most of my life. Getting help is just so hard. You have to practically harass a doctor into even looking twice at you. I should probably make an appointment with my GP and see where that leads.

  2. I can 100% relate to a degree. I really have to push myself to stay active online and I have gaps in blogging…though usually no more than a month. It also translates to my real life. I have very few friends and almost always cancel plans at the last minute because the prospect of “faking” being social just feel like it will be too much work. But then I’m lonely b/c I have no friends. Vicious cycle.

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